Chocathlon

I have signed up for a triathlon -- my first ever! Not just any triathlon, an Ironman, one of the roughest, toughest sport combos out there, besides the Tour de France and pregnancy.

This triathlon will be spread over two weeks, unlike “normal” triathlons which start and finish in the same day. Still, two weeks is not very long when you only have 12 hours’ worth of babysitting available during which to attempt participation. Actually, if you think about it, we all do triathlons over time. It might be over a year, but if you swim, bike and run, however intermittently, then you do triathlons!

It is less than two hours before the race begins and I still have not even opened my race packet to see how I am going to divide my swim/run/bike schedule over those 12 hours and some nighttime hours, when the kids are sleeping.

But in order to prepare for this and reduce my risk of injury due to overtraining – a problem most serious athletes like me often have – I came up with the following simple regimen, and I marvel at its simplicity:

1. Avoid the gym
2. Consume large quantities of chocolate

During this triathlon, I will be celebrating my 40^th birthday – yet another valid reason for the consumption of chocolate. I will allow only gifts involving chocolate. This extra consumption and the support of my friends should give me just the boost I need to clinch a victory.

“Triathlete Wins After a Chocolate-Only Diet!” This is the title I am sure will grace the headlines of our local newspaper, and it will, of course, be referring to me. I will go to the podium, take my medal, bow, and wave bars of chocolate with a gesture that indicates, “I owe it all to these guys right here – Milk, Dark and White!”